My underwear smells like fireworks.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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