I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
