I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
