I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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