He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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