Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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