...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
