I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
