It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
