You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
