FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
