is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
