Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
