Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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