You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
