I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
