Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
