i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
