even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
