I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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