sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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