I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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