No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
