The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
