Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
