a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
