i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
