Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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