The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
