Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
