Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
