And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
