She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
