you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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