but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
