Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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