i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
