paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what day is it and did you see me today?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize