You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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