They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
