Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
