you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
