It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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