I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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