this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
