...so i touched it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
