i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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