i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
