True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
