I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
