didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
