Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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