hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So squirting runs in the family.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
