did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
