based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
