put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
