This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
