bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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