Whoa Z and x make the same sound
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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