I heard we made out
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
