i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
