He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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