My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The power of my boobs compel you
not ubering you a puppy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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