he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
