i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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