the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
