Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
