I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
