I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
