I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i now understand why vodka
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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