why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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