I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
