Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
