On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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