i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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