moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
