Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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