ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
