i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
