Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
