Non-Jews are for practice
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
