I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
