So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
