My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize