All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
