Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
