Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
