and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
