Got a toothbrush?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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