and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
