He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
