Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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