Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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