Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
someone owes me an orgasm
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
