Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
