I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
