Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
