I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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