drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
