she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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