If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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