I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
