Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
