I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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