I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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