Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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