Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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