So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
