Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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