Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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